Civility:

Civility: Late Middle English: from Old French civilite, from Latin civilitas, from civilis ‘relating to citizens’ (see civil). In early use, the term denoted the state of being a citizen and hence good citizenship or orderly behavior. The sense ‘politeness’ arose in the mid-16th century.

I want to be a better citizen. More appreciative and grateful for the liberties and protections I enjoy. More willing to shoulder the attendant responsibilities, including addressing the imperfections in our little polis. More effective in carrying out those responsibilities.

civility.chat is my attempt to accomplish each of those in the specific area of civil, civic discourse. To increase my own understanding of the issues that mutually concern us, and to similarly benefit others. 

In that regard I am inspired by several quotations which for me serve as touchstones for healthy dialogue.

It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance.”

– Thomas Huxley

This. We come to a dialogue, not simply to tell everyone else how they should think, or even what we think, but to discover what to think. The rhetoric of persuasion gives way to a process of examination.

I recall that as a graduate student I wrote a critique of an important political philosopher. It was clear that I disagreed with him. My professor told me that my paper was good, but not good enough. Before you launch into your criticism, she said, you must first present the strongest case for the position you are opposing, one that the philosopher himself could accept. I redid the paper. I still had important differences with the philosopher, but I understood him better, and I saw the strengths and virtues, as well as limitations, of his belief. I learned a lesson that I’ve applied across the spectrum of my life.”

– Robert Wood

In my experience, such a practice requires self-restraint. We often approach dialogue as a kind of verbal combat. We feel the temptation rising within us to deliver a witty one-liner, a swift uppercut that knocks our opponent’s argument to the canvas in this rhetorical boxing ring. We learn little, and our opponent doesn’t have a change of heart. We can do better.

בֶּן זוֹמָא אוֹמֵר: אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם, הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם

for those whose Hebrew is rusty, this is roughly saying:

Ben Zoma would say: Who is wise? One who learns from every man.” – Ethics of the Fathers, 4:1 

It is a rare person from whom we cannot learn something, whether they disagree with us or not, whether we consider ourselves better educated or not. Because each person carries within themselves a series of experiences that has brought them to their perspective. We have not had those experiences. But by listening well, we can vicariously incorporate those experiences into our own store of knowledge.

”Civility does not here mean the mere outward gentleness of speech cultivated for the occasion, but an inborn gentleness and desire to do the opponent good.”

– Mohandas Gandhi

Could civility.chat be useful to you? Then work with me to evolve it into something that helps us both become more engaged and more effective in discussing the matters of our little polis.