Civility: Late Middle English: from Old French civilite, from Latin civilitas, from civilis ‘relating to citizens’ (see civil). In early use, the term denoted the state of being a citizen and hence good citizenship or orderly behavior. The sense ‘politeness’ arose in the mid-16th century.
Civility.chat is my attempt to be a better citizen. More grateful for my liberties and protections, more willing to shoulder my responsibilities, and more effective in carrying out those responsibilities. And to help fellow citizens benefit similarly, through civil, civic discourse.
I am inspired by several quotations which I employ as touchstones for healthy dialogue.
It is not who is right, but what is right, that is of importance.”
– Thomas Huxley
We come to a dialogue, not to tell everyone else how they should think, or even what we think, but to discover what to think. The rhetoric of persuasion gives way to a process of examination.
בֶּן זוֹמָא אוֹמֵר: אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם, הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם
For those whose Hebrew is rusty, this is roughly saying:
Ben Zoma would say: Who is wise? One who learns from every man.” – Ethics of the Fathers, 4:1
If this is true, it suggests we can learn not only from those with whom we disagree, but those that are ill-informed, narrow-minded or otherwise in error. In other words, people like ourselves. For to some extent we all have these qualities. The right kind of dialogue helps us recognize and overcome these tendencies in ourselves, as we come to more deeply respect others, even if we think little of their viewpoint.
I recall that as a graduate student I wrote a critique of an important political philosopher. It was clear that I disagreed with him. My professor told me that my paper was good, but not good enough. Before you launch into your criticism, she said, you must first present the strongest case for the position you are opposing, one that the philosopher himself could accept. I redid the paper. I still had important differences with the philosopher, but I understood him better, and I saw the strengths and virtues, as well as limitations, of his belief. I learned a lesson that I’ve applied across the spectrum of my life.”
– Robert Wood
This requires self-restraint. We often approach dialogue as a kind of verbal combat. We feel the temptation rising within us to deliver a witty one-liner, a swift uppercut that knocks our opponent’s argument to the canvas in this rhetorical boxing ring. We learn little, and our opponent doesn’t have a change of heart. We can do better.
”Civility does not here mean the mere outward gentleness of speech cultivated for the occasion, but an inborn gentleness and desire to do the opponent good.”
– Mohandas Gandhi
Could civility.chat be useful to you? I invite you to begin participating in civil, civic dialogue by nominating an article and an author that demonstrates the healthy and respectful dialogue we strive for (more info here).